At Unspeakable Axe, a recollection about a shopping trip with a so-called dominant woman is shared. Axe's post calls to mind the affliction that I like to refer to as, "I'm-a-domme-therefore-I-deserve-to-be-spoiled". Gah! When did entitlement via a self-imposed title become the norm? Or is it the norm? And is it really always about the shoes?? (ok, that was a cheeky statement considering my previous post) ;)
What irks me is that the woman who expected Axe to fork over a few hundred bucks for her shoes was someone he had only just met that day! I mean, come on...if one identifies as a submissive, is that term somehow synonymous with "pushover"? I'm glad Axe didn't have the cash on him to gift the woman those shoes. Everyone loves a present, no doubt, but demanding someone owes you something is fucking lame and classless. I don't care if you are the God or Goddess incarnate, behavior like that leaves a bad, bad taste.
"I told her I couldn’t pay for them even if i wanted to and she looked at me with this look I’ll never forget. She stormed out of the store and quickly followed her after apologizing to the person behind the counter. She was visibly upset and started ranting about how she had never been so embarrassed in her life and how she had just spent two hours with me and her time was worth more than just a cup of coffee."
On John's blog, Yes I Am A Submissive Man, he shared a thought-provoking, eloquent message about re-thinking what it means to worship/serve a female.
"If you really want to serve Women, volunteer at a Woman's shelter, donate your money to Women's health clinics, talk more openly about Feminism, STOP posting pictures of practically emaciated white Women in heels and little else, and kindly please stop posting pictures of erect penises and beaten men..."
The above excerpt has a proactive message and one that I think could definitely separate the boys from the men, so to speak. Not long ago, I brought up the theory of the objectification of the dominant woman. Whether or not it is intentional or unconscious, at times it does seem as though some submissive men have a tendency to glorify an unrealistic ideal of what a fem-domme represents. Maybe it's due to lack of experience, or maybe the proliferation of internet fem-domme porn has a way of distorting genuine D/s exchanges...I'm not sure. And maybe those that do "objectify" the female dominant prefer the fantasy over reality anyway and that's where D/s exists for them-- in the realm of fantasy. Fantasy is not always a bad thing. Objectification has it's place too. But when projecting distorted or objectified fantasies onto another becomes *the* reality, a problematic situation arises.
And yet, I enjoy posting erotic photos of women/fem-domme models and crazy-sexy shoes. The images I select to correspond with my blog posts may seem to feed into the "fantasy" and in part, the erotic is embedded in fantasy. Erotic Bohemian is a celebration of the sexual, the erotic, the artistic. and the kinky. It is meant to serve as a place to explore fantasy. I like looking at pictures of females, dominant or submissive-themed. I'm not so big on pushing extreme fem-dom or super-exploitative erotica. I like to be suggestive and provocative in the way I present my ideas and I hope I have a good balance. I also know when to take myself seriously and when not to. Not to mention, I'm a fan of using irony and the provocative to make a point.
Though I wonder about two things:
- Is the provocative approach an effective or healthy way to be proactive?
- Can the erotic exist without indulging in some form of fantasy?
What do you think?
3 comments:
'Is the provocative approach an effective or healthy way to be proactive? '
I think it can be. As long as the people involved realize the lines between fantasy and reality.
Yes, I top. When I do, I don't wear tall sexy shoes. I don't wear a tight leather dress (though I do dearly want a corset. ;)). I am a pale white woman, but I also weigh about 320 pounds. I'm not the typical objectified Domme.
But you know what? I'm still good at it. ;) I'm still sexy when I'm purring in a bottom's ear and biting the hell out of his shoulder. And even though I don't fit the stereotypical bill, I'm not offended by the stereotype. Keep posting the pics of sexy shoes. ;)
'Can the erotic exist without indulging in some form of fantasy?'
In my opinion? No. Fantasy is so very important...
Thank you so very much for the thoughtful comments on this.
I guess sometimes I wonder if in this age of the-commodification-of-everything, I worry if I could be turn out to be part of the problem...especially with regards to perpetuating myths of "the domme". And you know, this was in large part the issue I had with my former role as "phone domme". Because what I was doing then was *exactly* that--playing a role-- and while most clients had a good handle on fantasy vs reality, there were some that worried me. I felt all I was doing was distorting their sense of reality even more...and in the name of marketing and bringing in business. People were, after all, paying for a fantasy. I guess I also got to a point where I could no longer *be* just a fantasy. I needed to remain authentic to myself.
I'm totally not dissing those who remain in the phone biz. There are some great women in the industry, women who I learned a lot from too. But man, there are some stories I could tell!
And I so do not represent the typical "objectified domme" either! I'm more girl-next-door than sultry sex-pot...well, more like the hippychick girl next door. Corsets are beautiful and sexy, but I'm just as happy topping in tie-dye. =) Topping in tie-die...hmmmm...that sounds like a good title for a book....
Sexy and beauty are about personality, attitude and self-esteem.
I do feel as though there is always going to be some amount of fantasy in the erotic. What would be the fun if there weren't? Still, there is something appealing about incorporating parts of fantasy and putting your own reality spin onto them. At least that's something I like to strive toward.
I really appreciate you taking the time to share, PP. You always have such great insights.
XOXO
I don't know if I'd call 'em great insights. I just calls 'em like I sees 'em. :) But as long as you continue to make me think, I'll continue to share the results with ya. Bring it on. ;)
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