Erotic Thought Of The Day: The Body As A Map Of Experience

“We die containing a richness of lovers and tribes, tastes we have swallowed, bodies we have plunged into and swum up as if rivers of wisdom, characters we have climbed into as if trees, fears we have hidden in as if caves. I wish for all this to be marked on my body when I am dead. I believe in such cartography - to be marked by nature, not just to label ourselves on a map like the names of rich men and women on buildings. We are communal histories, communal books. We are not owned or monogamous in our taste or experience. All I desired was to walk upon such an earth that had no maps.” - Michael Ondaatje, The English Patient

Some Changes

We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. ~Lynn Hall

You may have noticed in the last week or so, I've been in the process of making some changes here...and most recently, I've finally gone ahead and registered this site under its own domain.

In the coming days you will also notice a new look along with the change in title of this blog/domain. The new URL I've registered for the blog is bohemianrhapsodize.com (If you're a regular visitor here already, you'll still be redirected to the new URL/domain name by accessing the old Erotic Bohemian web address). As I've been cleaning house here, I decided that the old title for this blog"Erotic Bohemian" no longer quite encompasses all that I want for this space. I am definitely bohemian inside and out; and while the "Erotic" is something I relish, I've been feeling as though there is so much more that I want to share here than that as well.

Unfortunately "Bohemian Rhapsody" is a domain name that was already taken...so I figured why not play on the words in that title? To "rhapsodize" is also to rave on about, to desire and indulge enthusiastically...and what better way to describe what it is I do in this space, on this blog?

Ultimately, the changes in this website reflect on the evolving process going on in my own life. I hope you'll continue to keep me company on my journey.

Loss of Self

My dad's mind slips away a little more each day.

He was "officially" diagnosed with dementia, Alzheimer's-type about a year ago. He is taking medication (when he remembers) to aid in slowing down the process of memory loss and cognitive deterioration, but so far, its not made much of a difference. He's somewhere in the early-moderate stages of dementia and some days are better than others. The short term memory is all but shot, but his long term memory is still pretty intact. The hardest part right now is he's *aware* he's losing more and more of his memory...he is cognizant enough to recognize he can't recall the things he wants or needs to, and his sense of Self efficacy and identity are rapidly evaporating.

It's the most heartbreaking thing to witness.

In my line of work, I deal with this a lot, and more than I'd prefer to at times. In many ways, I'm probably more prepared to handle all that comes with this than the average person. I know what to expect, what signs to look for that indicate he's no longer safe, what the road ahead will be like, what approaches work better when interacting with a person with dementia, and what options are out there.

But this is my father. And there is nothing quite as devastating as losing someone who is *still right there*.

When we encounter the actual physical death of someone we love, its a huge loss. We grieve. We struggle to reorganize our place in the world without that person in it. We eventually learn to carry on. But when a person is in the process of becoming lost to you and from themselves, its an entirely different experience. Everything they once represented gets chiseled away, bit by bit by bit. They lose their sense of Self and you lose the relationship you once shared with them, but they have not gone anywhere. In many cases, they have become an entirely different person. You grieve for the loss of them, but they're still a live person whose existence remains. And in Alzheimer's-dementia, this existence is one that can go on for years....sometimes 10 or more. Its an inevitable, progressive decline until the person's brain can no longer function to cue them how to eat, walk, swallow and eventually, their system just shuts down. A person with Alzheimer's is actually lucky if they can die of some other underlying medical condition earlier on. Riding this thing out until the end is a horrible, undignified way to go.

I keep thinking there is some great, philosophical lesson Alzheimer's Disease has to teach us. There must be something we're supposed to be learning about coping with loss in this way...especially in a society where individuality and notions of Self-identity reign supreme. Maybe we've all become too proud of ourselves, too self-centered. And perhaps, Alzheimer's is here to remind us we don't own anything or anyone, including ourselves.

Exasperate

I am tired, Beloved,
of chafing my heart against
the want of you;
of squeezing it into little inkdrops,
And posting it.

~Amy Lowell, "The Letter"

Remember....Remember The Fifth Of November

"Because while the truncheon may be used in lieu of conversation, words will always retain their power. Words offer the means to meaning, and for those who will listen, the enunciation of truth." ~ V

I want to do a shout-out to my Twitter-crush and friend, Dan.

Earlier I had posted a tweet highlighting an upcoming new book by activist Barbara Ehrenreich. The book is called Bright-Sided: How the Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America. and in it, Ehrenreich criticizes the notion that we've become a society taught to believe that when things don't work out for us, well, its our own fault because we weren't thinking "positively".

As a social worker with some professional schooling already behind her, I'm familiar with concepts of deservedness...particularly when framed with plights of the working poor in modern day society. One of the first graduate level classes I had to take in the social work program was devoted to the evolution of social policy. I learned all about the ways certain "-isms" were downplayed throughout history by notions that certain people (of particular race, creed, gender, class, etc) are just "defective" in some sense or another and therefore, can't manage to find ways to succeed and live their very best life. This is also called "blaming the victim".

Ehrenreich's earlier book, "Nickle and Dimed" was required reading for one of my other classes. I pointed this out to TwitterDan who immediately fell further into a frenzy of frustration as he in no uncertain terms laid out his opinions about Ms. Ehrenreich and her theories. Something about...."Ehrenreich not deserving to tie the laces of Beauvoir shoes." Oh that TwitterDan! How I love the way he has with words!

My point....and I have one...is throughout this....*discussion*, Dan made an excellent suggestion. He wondered if The Road to Serfdom was ever required reading in any of these classes. Sadly, thus far, this piece by Friedrich Hayek has NOT been. I was, however, lucky enough to have an anthropology professor several years ago who assigned excerpted readings from Hayek's writing. And lucky for you, dear reader, there happens to be a PDF version of this enlightening piece which you can access here.

I've been re-reading it tonight. And when I came across this quote, I just knew I had to share it....

Society’s course will be changed only by a change in ideas. First you must reach the intellectuals, the teachers and writers, with reasoned argument. It will be their influence on society which will prevail, and the politicians will follow.

Why am I sharing this right now? Because....in our overly bureaucraticized way of living in the world today, its easy to become lost and frustrated and to be made felt as just another cog in a machine. Each of us, regardless of our politics, knows inherently that something is awry and will continue to spiral downward unless a change is made. At the same time, because of this bureacrazy (intentional typo) we feel like we have so very little power to affect change or we are so confused by the myriad of "rules" and "rulers" that we know nothing about where to begin.

Begin here.

Write about it. Get online and express your frustrations with the status quo and SHARE a desire to do something about it. Hayek's words inspired me today...it doesn't matter if you're a student, a writer, a teacher, a nurse, a social worker, a cab driver, a nun, a doctor, a shoe salesman...or whatever---if you're reading this, you have access to the internet and therefore can access information and INFLUENCE IDEAS. I don't care if you do it on Twitter, a blog, a forum...just get involved on some level and start somewhere. Use the internet for something more besides a porn reverie, for crap's sake! Let it be a building board. Find like-minded people who share interest in your cause and don't stop there. Go beyond the internet...schedule meet-ups...spread your message....get into the public eye too.

Find and create a new future you can live with.

I'm tired of feeling like my hands are tied. Maybe I'm just a little overzealous at the moment...and god knows I've got a bit of the cabin fever going on lately, but I'll be damned if I'm going to be quiet forever about what matters most to me.

So uh....when you find my name on some ballot at some point down the road...you'll vote for me, won't you? Heh.

A "C" Poem

his is what you get. Because I'm into Day 3 of my "viral infection" and have not yet been cleared to return to work (actually, I started this sickness on Saturday....so its more like day 5). I'm home. I'm cranky. I'm not quite bored, but I feel like creating some low-key ruckuses.

A cool thing about using Twit IQ is the way it highlights keywords in general and also individually. So today, I was fooling around with it and here are the most commonly tweeted "C" words I happen to use when replying to twats. *

called child christmas coffee cool cunt cupcakes

And from something so....mundane...a masterpiece is born.** ----> My poem. ***

When he called, it was weird.

I thought I should've felt like a child on Christmas morning, but...

I didn't.

My cunt went cool.

Weird.

Oh well. Maybe today I'll enjoy a cupcake with

My coffee.

*creativity is also a C-word.

**and aren't you thinking I should be blasted with viral infections more often so I can stay home and bless you all with my creative insights? right?

***right??

The Goal is Soul

Today, not only did we welcome the November Full Moon (also known as the Mourning Moon) but this too happens to be All Souls' Day. For the most part, the history and rites of All Souls' Day are linked to the Catholic Church and I've never really paid it much significance, in the sense that I acknowledge it, the *traditional* way. Since Samhain/Halloween is when I find it appropriate to remember and honor who and what I've lost, I like to make All Souls' Day more about me and the care and feeding of...my soul.

"...But even reason, intellect, imagination, passion, poetry, prayer, art, sex, song and saxophone cannot unravel the mystical nature of our souls. Let alone understand it...obviously after 25,000 years of trying, we're not meant to understand the essence of Soul. But we can come to know her. For we were created for no other reason than to love, nurture, nourish, sustain, protect, uplift, inspire, delight, charm and comfort the beloved presence within each of us.

All Souls' Day is a beautiful occasion for contemplating how we care for our own souls, the degree of hospitality we extend to these guests in our daily round, and the quality of their visit so far. In order to approach the depth that is the domain of the soul, we are urged to become artists of our own lives.

Today, be willing to ask your Soul what she requires to make her stay more pleasurable. Ask often: "What do you need at this moment? What would bring you peace, contentment, joy?" ~Sarah Ban Breathnach: Simple Abundance

For me its quite simple. Right now, what I need is:

• to get a decent night's sleep
• fresh air and warm sunlight
• closure where my thoughts, concerns and feelings have unwittingly been assigned to silence
• a hot cup of tea with honey
• a reminder that this too, shall pass

What do you define as "Soul"? What makes up your Soul? How could you best care for it right now?